June 2024: Happy Father's Day.
Dear Writers,
Happy Father’s Day. It’s a complicated day for some, and an easy and lovely day for others.
A few days ago, a photo editor asked for photos of my Dad, to go with an essay I have coming out in July. I looked through my favorite photos of my father and as always, felt a combination of love and sorrow. There was so much about him that I loved and admired but also a lot that I wanted to forget. He loved swimming, tennis, reading, radiology and Zabar’s. He could be moody and mean, but the photos reminded me that he had also been fun-loving and generous. He was 66 when he passed away in 2005. Some of my friends have aging parents they worry about. It occurred to me it’s been a long time since I worried about my Dad.
Many of my students and editing clients write about their families. Some had fathers who were doting and fabulous—read Elissa Caterfino Mandel’s beautiful essay When My Sons Lost Their Dad Way Too Young, My Own Father Stepped In (Kveller). Others had fathers who weren’t so great. They cheated on their mothers, abused them or left them; molested them and/or their siblings; wouldn’t accept their choices of mates, identities or careers. I’ve read so many memoirs about great and terrible fathers. Among them: Lisa Brennan-Jobs’s Small Fry; Keggie Carew’s Dadland; Hisham Matar’s The Return: Fathers, Sons and the Land in Between; Daniel Mendelhson’s An Odyssey: A Father, a Son, and an Epic; J.R. Moehringer’s The Tender Bar; Anne Roiphe’s 1185 Park Avenue; Phillip Roth’s Patrimony; Mary Rodger’s Shy; Jennifer Weiner’s Hungry Heart: Adventures in Life, Love and Writing; Tara Westover’s Educated. Fathers make great material.
Years ago, I wrote an essay about my Dad for the NYT, My Father the Heartbreaker, and devoted half of my memoir to him. I loved him fiercely, and he was fierce. He was, as my mother used to euphemistically say, “difficult.” In grad school I took a class taught by Richard Howard called “Difficult Love.” My father defined difficult love. He was combative and early on, taught me how to fight back. It took me years to realize it was more satisfying to write back. By some miracle, I married a man who is a loving father, as is my brother. Hopefully, my sons will be the same. I am grateful for all of them.
If you are one of those people who felt unconditionally loved by your father, consider yourself lucky. To everyone else who has a complicated relationship with their fathers, ex-husbands, ex-partners, and fathers of their children, I hear you.
NPR has a nice series today about people whose father made them better parents. My father didn’t make me a better parent, but he did make me a better writer.
Happy Father’s Day to all those who celebrate or simply observe.
Hilda Chazanovitz, Bringing Passover Back to the Town Where the Nazis Killed Our Relatives (The Forward)
Ilene Goldman, Tomato Soup for the Soul (Eat, Darling, Eat)
Lisa S. Greene, Where’s My Knife (Eat, Darling, Eat)
Jennifer Dorr-Moon, Nice Stuff (Herstry)
Kate Levin, Life Lessons (Marathon Lit)
Elissa Caterfino Mandel, Our Passover: Why this night is different from all others (The Forward)
Leslie Dannin Rosenthal, Entertaining Fish (Eat, Darling, Eat)
Zelly Ruskin, Not Yours to Keep (published by She Writes Press and distributed by Simon & Schuster, out in October.)
You can also pay via Venmo or Zelle.
About: Our writing retreat starts next week! The weather down on Long Beach Island is supposed to be sunny, gorgeous and in the 80’s. Join us for the best combination of writing and sunshine as we host a 3.5 day, 3-night writing retreat, Monday, June 24 through Thursday, June 27. We’ll meet for 3-hour workshops, and have lunch and dinner together. In between you can write, sunbathe, paddle-board, kayak, swim, nap, eat ice cream and walk the jetties in Barnegat Light. Writers can submit up to 40 pages (10,000 words) for line edits, feedback & discussion.
Cost: $1,800, includes three writing workshops, three lunches, three dinners, and welcome cocktail party. Exclusions: Hotel room and alcohol.
Booking: We have a block of standard queen rooms at Daddy O’s, priced at $425/night. Please book your room using the code ZINFRO. Daddy O’s is a fun place to stay and offers free “grab n go” breakfast. Of course, you can stay anywhere you like. Other options include Sandcastle, Hotel LBI and Drifting Sands.