Dear Writers,
Happy October. If you observed Yom Kippur, we hope you had an easy fast. Because we have different approaches to religion in my family—some fast, others eat lunch; some go to work, others go to services—I try to stay flexible. IMHO, the point of the day of atonement is to be kind and forgiving, of each other and ourselves. This year, I made the following deal with myself:
I would have coffee on Thursday morning, and then fast.
I would read The New York Times but not do Wordle.
I would read my emails, but not respond to them.
We would walk to and from services.
I would glance at the Ugly Apple Cake I made to bring to my dear friend’s break fast but not nibble on crumbs. The Apple Cake recipe is in my book, Sweet Survival: Tales of Cooking & Coping, and available online here. It is a kind and forgiving recipe, and can be made with gluten-free flour, but it doesn’t easily slide out of the tube pan, so prepare for delicious crumbs.
We live-streamed Kol Nidre at Central Synagogue, attended in-person Yom Kippur services at Congregation Beit Simchat Torah (CBST), and my husband listened to his late father’s name read out loud while live-streaming Yizkor at Temple B’nai Jeshurun. At CBST, Rabbi Yael Werber led a discussion about how to focus on what is abundant in our lives, as opposed to what is lacking. The conclusion? What we have in abundance is our ability to talk to each other, so let’s continue the discussion.
In other news: My book group just finished Curtis Sittenfeld’s excellent short story collection, Show Don’t Tell. Sittenfeld is a skilled and nimble storyteller. All but two of the 12 stories are told from a woman’s point of view. Here is how Sittenfeld described her writing goals in The Guardian;
“My goal is to give the reader the feeling that you – and by you, I mean me – have when you’re going for a long walk with a close friend, and the friend says: “The craziest thing just happened to me.” What?! You think and possibly say. Tell me immediately! And then what happened, and then what happened? As a writer, this is the urgency I’m chasing, this is the investment, the richness of emotion, the confiding and closeness and caring.”
If you are a woman of a certain age, you may feel as if you’re reading a close friend’s journal entries or your own as you read these stories:
Show Don’t Tell: Ruthie, a young woman in a Midwest MFA program, waits impatiently to find out if she has won a lucrative fellowship while scuffling with her middle-aged neighbor. The story will feel familiar to anyone who has waited for money in the name of literature and learning. Originally published in The New Yorker in 2017 here.
The Marriage Clock: Middle-aged movie executive named Heather flies to visit conservative, flirtatious author of a book about marriage, who doesn’t want the movie version of his book to include a gay couple. During the visit, Heather reflects on the damage she has done to her own marriage.
White Women LOL: Middle-aged woman named Jill inadvertently offends two black couples she thinks are crashing her friend Amy’s party. The interaction is recorded and the video goes viral. Meanwhile, the search for a lost dog named Kiwi ensues.
The Richest Babysitter in the World: Middle-aged woman named
Kit tells the story of how in college, she babysat for the child of a couple reminiscent of Amazon founder Jeff Bezos and first wife MacKenzie Scott. Originally published in 2021 in The Atlantic here.Creative Differences: Young gay man named Ben tries to persuade a college-aged photographer to appear in a documentary he is producing about toothpaste. Originally published in 2019 in The Cut here.
The Tomorrow Box: Andy, a middle-aged father and English teacher at a third-rate prep school, meets up with an old buddy from college, who has become a bestselling lifestyle expert. Read on Amazon here.
A is for Alone: Gripping story about Irene, a married, middle-aged artist who meets a series of men for lunch in an attempt to see if she and they can pass the Billy Graham Rule/ Mike Pence Rule: Married people can’t have meals with people of the opposite sex because they will be temped to cheat. Originally published in 2020 in The New Yorker here.
The Patron Saints of Middle Age: Recently divorced middle-aged woman returns to St. Louis for a funeral and visits with two old friends.
Giraffe and Flamingo: Middle-aged Mom Emily reflects on a soccer player from college who bullied her in the bathroom. Great, stress-inducing scenes about pooping in stalls while others linger nearby. Read on Amazon here.
The Hug: Surprisingly tender story about middle-aged couple Daphne and Rob who try to navigate their marriage during the height of the pandemic. Originally published in 2020 in The Financial Times here.
Lost but Not Forgotten: Follow-up to Sittenfeld’s first novel, Prep, in which divorced protagonist Lee Fiora prepares to attend her 30th boarding school reunion, reminisces about a famous self-destructive musician she once met up with there and finds unexpected love.
Follow-Up: Middle-aged Mom Janie struggles to reconcile unnerving mammogram results as she arrives at the epiphany that she loves her best friend and teenage son more than her husband, who doesn’t kiss well. The story includes one of the best sex scenes you might ever read (see below) as Janie flashes back on a fling with a barista named Silas.
“Janie.” Still on top of her, his head raised, he looked intently into her eyes. “Please don’t take another shower. I’ll like the way you smell and taste. I know I will. Do you know why?” She shook her head. “Because I like you.” How was she to know then that this would be the most intensely romantic moment of her life? Which is pathetic, right? But that doesn’t make it untrue. “Seriously,” he said, “you’ll taste great to me.” At this, she laughed overly loudly, an almost barking laugh, and he said, “Does that make you uncomfortable?” “No.” It kind of did make her uncomfortable, but uncomfortable in a good way. His mouth at this point remained above her navel, his head hovering, and he lowered it again and kept descending, and what happened next was categorically different from anything Janie experienced before or after. He was—what? Just very, very skilled at moving his tongue? At adjusting the pressure and pace and angle so that first she was breathing heavily, then she was hyperventilating, then she’d entered some sort of altered state and was basically screaming, then she knew for certain she was going to come (orgasms tended to be a hit-or-miss enterprise for her), then she had come, in his face, apparently indifferent to how she tasted or smelled, raising her hips and pressing herself against his mouth and chin and nose and grabbing his head.
Let’s all try to write like that this year.
Our virtual workshop, The Writing Ranch, starts up again Monday, November 10 and meets virtually from 5-7 p.m. for eight sessions. This workshop uses Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way and is designed for writers and other artists looking for ways to jumpstart their creativity. Cameron’s book is magic. All you need for this workshop is a copy of the book, a notebook, and a desire to take yourself on artists’ dates and write “morning pages. “ The rest will come, we promise.
Judy Rabinor and I are running a writing retreat in San Miguel, Mexico, February 6-10. Details below.
We’re heading to San Migùel de Allende, Mexico, in February for a Writers Retreat. (Please note: Our retreat ends the day before the San Miguel Writers Conference & Literary Festival begins. Sweet Lab is not connected to the conference, but if you’d like to attend our retreat and then the conference, you’ll have a fabulous week.)
SAN MIGUEL DE ALLENDE is a beautiful, colorful walking city, nestled in the Bajía mountains of Central Mexico. Located in the state of Guanajuato, the town was founded in 1542 and is a UNESCO World Heritage Site.
You will see mojigangas (giant, larger-than-life puppets) everywhere, as well as exquisite buildings from the Spanish Colonial era, intricately carved doors, and charming cobblestone streets. This is a city of open skies and stunning architecture.
WHY SAN MIGÙEL FOR A WRITERS’ RETREAT?
San Miguel is one of the most beautiful places in Mexico and one of my favorite places on Earth. (You can read more about my recent trip here.)
Home to writers, artists, art lovers, and expats (among others), it is a charming, old, visually stimulating city that offers great views from almost everywhere you look. Writers, artists, and academics have found sanctuary, inspiration, and peaceful places to work here for decades. The food is fabulous, the people are friendly, and almost everyone you meet seems to be following some creative impulse and wellness practice.
The cost is $2,500, excluding hotel and airfare. We will stay at the beautiful Numu Boutique Hotel San Miguel de Allende and eat our meals together.
Read what we’re offering below.
ITINERARY
Daily three-hour writing workshops after breakfast
One half-hour, one-on-one conference with Laura or Judy in the afternoons
Swimming, walking tours, and retreating. Some of our to-dos can be found here.
Writers can submit up to 40 pages (10,000 words, double-spaced, 12-14 point type) before the retreat begins and will receive line edits, written feedback, and a discussion of their work during the retreat.
MEALS
Four breakfasts (Saturday-Tuesday; included at the hotel)
Four dinners (Friday-Monday)
Three lunches (Saturday-Monday)
One “welcome” drink on Friday night
Mexico is a gastronomical dream. Both contemporary and Indigenous Mexican cuisine are infused with complex and nuanced flavors that date back to early civilization. We’re thrilled to partner with San Miguel-based Salt Sweet Spice and offer two intimate dinners at a private home. We will also eat two dinners at restaurants.
TRANSPORTATION
Transportation will be provided to and from the Querétaro (QRO) Intercontinental airport to the hotel. QRO is 1.5 hours from San Miguel. Please plan to arrive on Friday afternoon, February 6, at QRO Airport, and we will take you to the hotel.
If you fly into CDMX or Del Bajío International Airport (BJX) in León/Guanajuato, you are responsible for your transportation to and from San Miguel. Note: CDMX is 3.5 hours from San Miguel.
FLIGHTS & HOTEL
We’ll be staying at the beautiful NUMU Boutique Hotel San Miguel, a Hyatt hotel. We’re thankful to partner with NUMU, which is offering special rates for our retreat:
Queen standard room: $400 USD per night per room
King Bed Deluxe Room: $435 USD per night per room
Please book your hotel reservation directly with NUMU and send your 50% deposit ($1,250) to Laura by October 15. The balance ($1,250) is due November 1. If you live locally or would like to make other hotel or Airbnb arrangements, please meet us at the NUMU for workshops and transportation to and from meals.